Nightmare on Hamburger Street
by OuranHero
Summary: America is having a hamburger party, but what happens when everyone but America, Russia, and Canada become hamburger zombies?
1. Chapter 1

"I... Havin... a..." America tried to say around his hamburger.

"Don't talk with your mouth open!" England yelled, wagging his finger at America.

America swallowed the hamburger whole, and chugged his Coke. "I'm having a hamburger party!" he declared happily.

"A what now?" France sighed, rubbing the spot between his eyebrows and acting very un-France like.

"A hamburger party!" America repeated. "A party where we eat delicious hamburgers!"

"It sounds like fun." a voice said from an empty chair.

"Who was that?" asked China, his voice trembling a bit. He clutched his panda tightly.

"Canada." the voice said again. Everyone turned and stared at Canada. He was sitting in a chair that was empty a few minutes ago. He was hugging his bear and smiling the day away.

"Canada?!" France yelled, scooting his chair away from Canada. "How long have you been there?"

"He's been there the whole time." said Russia.

"He has?!" England asked.

"My party is being held on Hamburger Street. I have a house there." America continued as if no time had passed since his last sentence.

"I'll go." Russia said, smiling. He was radiating a dark and scary aura, and England scooted closer to Canada.

"I also invited Italy, Romano, Germany, Spain, Japan, and a few others." America said, counting off on his fingers.

_He could've said 'And a few others' after the first two names..._ England thought solemnly.

"I'll come too!" China said. He hadn't tightened his grip on his panda, who was struggling to breathe.

"Anyway, please come!" America said pleasantly. He left the room, even though they hadn't discussed any military tactics whatsoever.

"Man, we havn't made any progress." England mumbled to himself.

"It's okaaaay~!" Unicorn sang. "We can go to the party, and we don't have to eat any hamburgers."

"Yeah~!" Fairy sang.

"Okay." England giggled.

Everyone was on board with the hamburger party, but they had no idea what would happen next.

_A/N: China is adorable. _

_Anyway, please review! _


	2. Chapter 2

England sighed. The house America was holding the hamburger party in was small, and there was no possible way all of the countries could fit. But when he entered the house, it was way bigger on the inside than it was on the outside. All of the countries that were invited fit in with room to spare.

"England!" America yelled, "I didn't think you'd come!"

"Well, I had a bit of time on my hands." England said, a slight blush colouring his face.

"America!" Italy sang, pulling his brother over to America with him. "Do you have any pasta?"

"No." America said politely. "Eat a hamburger!" America shoved a hamburger into each of their mouths.

"Damnit, ya bastard!" Romano cursed. "I didn't want to eat one yet!"

"Romano, calm down..." Spain said, and pulled Romano away.

"It looks like everyone is enjoing their hamburgers!" America said blissfully, biting into one of his own.

"By the way," England began, "Why are you having this party?"

"Well..." America said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "To celebrate me being the hero!"

England didn't know how to respond to this, so he just walked away.

"_Aiya,_ aren't these good?" China asked Japan.

"Well, I guess so." Japan said thoughtfully. "I prefer rice balls, though."

"They could be better." Greece agreed. He had a cat on his shoulder, which was nothing new.

"Hell, where are the tomatoes?!" Romano asked America.

"Over there." America pointed to a table filled with things to put on your hamburgers.

"Hamburgers..." France mumbled.

"Uhm, France?" asked England. He didn't think France would like the hamburgers so much. England tried one.

"Hamburgers..." China groaned. His eyes were blank, and his pupils had disappeared.

"What's going on?" asked Canada, hiding behind America. Almost everyone was acting strange, repeating 'hamburgers' over and over.

"Hmm, I don't know." Russia said from behind them. Both Canada and America jumped.

"Maybe..." America began, acting like he was having an epiphany. "Maybe they're hypnotized by the awesome delicoiusness of the hamburgers?!"

"I doubt that..." Canada laughed weakly.

"Maybe he's right." said Russia, surprising America. "They havn't eaten this many hamburgers before, have they? So maybe that has something to do with it."

America gasped dramatically. "Could it be... They've become hamburger zombies?!"

_A/N: We have reached the climax quickly, but I hope I don't end up making this sto__ry too short._

_Review, please!_


	3. Chapter 3

Canada trembled behind America. These hamburger zombies were pretty scary, and they were all out of hamburgers!

"Why didn't you two turn into H-Zombies?" America asked. He called them H-Zombies mostly just to be cool, but it was also easier than always saying hamburger zombies.

"W-well, I havn't eaten a hamburger yet..." Canada said timidly, coming out from behind America slowly.

"I've eaten one." Russia said. "I've eaten a few, acually."

America and Canada scooted over a few steps.

"Hamburgers, damnit!" Romano shouted. He was the only country that said anything other than hamburgers, and he used a variety of curse words.

"Ha ha, that's Romano for you." Canada laughed weakly.

"How do we reverse it?" asked America, once again rubbing his chin.

"Should we give them hamburgers?" Canada suggested.

"I don't have any left!" America said.

"What if we lock them up in a room and let them kill each other?" suggested Russia.

"That would be total chaos." America shook his head.

"Hamburger..." mumbled England. He grabbed Canada and started gnawing on his head.

"Ah! Getoffgetoffgetoffgetoffgeto ffgetoff!" Canada tried to scream, but it came out as a whisper.

"Jesus, England!" America said as he pulled England off Canada. Canada frantically tried to wipe the England drool off his head.

"They think we're hamburgers?" Russia asked, punching a hungry Japan who was trying to eat him.

"If so, I must be the HERO!" America yelled, posing and winking. An american flag appeared behind him.

A few moments later, America was rolling around on the ground and moaning.

"Uhm, America?" Canada asked, poking him in the side.

"I'm going through hamburger withdrawel!" America whined.

"Acually, I think Japan kicked him." Russia said.

"No, he didn't!" America denied. "I need a hamburger."

"If you eat a hamburger," Canada said, "They'll eat you alive..."

_A/N: In character? Maybe not. Oh well._

_A bad chapter ending? Probably._

_Reviews? Yes, please._


	4. Chapter 4

This was not ideal. Russia was stuck with two cowards and had to fight off the hamburger zombies on his own.

"Oh, I have an idea!" Canada said, dodging an attack from Germany. A light bulb appeared over his head.

"What is it?" asked America.

"One of us could go to McDonalds and buy some hamburgers!" Canada exclaimed.

"Well, I guess that could work..." Russia agreed thoughtfully.

"Are you insane?!" asked America. "Whoever is left will be killed!"

Canada dodged yet another attack from Germany, who seemed to think Canada would be tasty. France snuck up behind his and wrapped his arms around Canada.

"Why do they want to eat _me _so much?!" Canada cried, struggling to get away from France. France was gnawing on Canada's head, getting bloody drool in his hair.

"You're gonna need a shower after this." America told Canada as he ninja chopped France on the back of the neck.

"I know..." Canada said, tears streaming down his face. They were all now covered in various zombie liquids, and America had spilled his Coke on his new shirt.

"This is getting no where." Russia said. None of the hamburger zombies had gotten knocked out yet, and it looked like America and Canada were getting tired. Even Russia was a it tired.

"What if we tried to feed them broccoli?" America suggested. "Broccoli is the opposite of hamburgers!"

"I don't think that would work." said Russia.

"Maybe we could feed them Tony." America suggested, pulling his alien buddy out of no where.

"You wouldn't feed them your friend, would you?!" Canada asked in shock.

"I was just joking!" America said. Tony was really sweaty now, and the countries had started targeting him.

"Wait a second!" America yelled, causing everyone, even the hamburger zombies, to freeze. America scanned the room.

"Where's Prussia?!" he asked. "I invited him over, but he's not here!"

"Oh." Russia sighed apolegetically. "He's in my prison right now."

"But why?" asked America.

"He crossed the border, and he was being really loud..." Russia explained.

"Well, one less zombie, I guess." America shrugged. The hamburger zombies went back to trying to eat them. _Then why did he bring it up in the first place? _thought Canada.

"Maybe your McDonalds idea wasn't so bad after all." America consented.

"Oh, great!" Canada said. "Who should go?"

America ran out of the house before anyone could say anything else, leaving Canada and Russia to deal with the hamburger zombies while he got the hamburgers.

_This is going to be expensive..._ America thought as he ran off.

_A/N: I'm sorry for the delay!_


	5. Chapter 5

"Fucking, fucking!" Tony said, dodging hungry countries.

"I don't know what he's saying!" Canada yelled. The hamburger zombies were getting worse, and America wasn't back yet.

"He spoke like this during the alien invasion, remember?" Russia asked. "Then he spoke english."

"But he doesn't sound like he's going to say anything other than 'Fucking' right now!" Canada whispered loudly. The zombies were being really loud, and Russia could barely hear Canada

"Hmm, maybe we should try it?" Russia asked, and turned to Tony. "Fucking, fucking."

"Fucking?" Tony asked, confused.

"It didn't work." Russia said cheerfully.

The reason America was late was this.

America ran inside the McDonalds dragging a red wagon behind him. "I need all of the hamburgers you've got, dude!"

"Uhm, okay..." The cashier stammered. To someone who didn't know what was going on, this was really weird.

In half an hour, America's wagon was full. He began dragging it toward his house, but the people of the town stepped in front of him.

"So you're the one who took all of the hamburgers!" they shouted, raising pitchforks they didn't have a second ago.

"B-but it's an emergency!" America insisted urgently, atempting to move past them.

"We've gotta eat somewhere, and the cheapest place is all out, thanks to you!" They complained, moving in closer.

"But, you could just go eat at Wendy's or Burger King..." America suggested, trying to calm down the townsfolk.

"McDonalds has a dollar menu!"

"Well, but... I'm America! _The _America!" America posed.

"We don't even care right now!"

And so that arguement went on for quite a while. All that time Russia and Canada were fighting the hamburger zombies, while Tony said nothing but "Fucking." With that in mind, America tried to fight his way through the people, but failed as they crowded around him and began complaining again.

"What's taking him so long?" asked Canada as he punched England in the face.

"It's alot of hamburgers. They're probably taking alot of time to cook." Russia said.

"Fucking!" Tony added helpfully. Or, it would be helpful if they could understand what he was saying.

_A/N: I'm back in school, so I won't be able to update as often._

_I made a huge mistake in the past few chapters. I fixed it, though!_

_When Russia said 'When the aliens invaded', he was talking about Paint It, White!_


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, dudes, I'm back!" America called cheerliy. He was covered in bruises and was bleeding, pulling behind him a wagon that had mashed hamburgers in it.

"What happened?" asked Canada frantically.

"Well, I was getting these hamburgers, right? And the townsfolk, like, totally destroyed me!" America explained. "And my hamburgers!"

"Fucking!" Tony yelled happily.

"Hey, bro!" America greeted, giving Tony a quick hug.

"Fucking, fucking fucking fucking." Tony explained quickly, using many hand gestures.

"Oh really? Wow!" America exclaimed. "They must be stupid."

"What'd he say?" asked Russia.

"He said you guys couldn't understand him!" America laughed.

Russia pulled back his fist to punch, but Canada grabbed it and attempted to restrain him. America ended up having a new bruise anyway.

The hamburger zombies crowded around the wagon, devouring the hamburgers at incredible speeds.

"Wait, are they getting worse?" asked Canada. Their skin was even more gray now, and it was covered in scabs.

"Oh, no!" America exclaimed. "They'll think my blood is ketchup!"

"I was trying to tell you guys that hamburgers wouldn't help." Tony said, sucking Coke out of a cup.

"Where did he get that coke?" asked Canada.

"Why didn't you just say that?" asked Russia, ignoring Canada.

"I was." Tony said.

"Well, what is the cure?" asked America.

"I don't know." Tony shrugged, throwing the empty cup at Japan.

"Ungh?" Japan made some weird zombie noises as he limped to America.

America screamed and ran into the bathroom to clean himself up. Russia punched Japan to get rid of the pent up anger he had been hiding.

"Clean, clean, clean!" America sang as he washed the blood off with a washcloth.

Italy sprang out from inside the shower and tried to devour America.

"This is why I always check the shower before I pee!" America shouted as he squirted soap into Italy's eyes. Italy screamed and swiped at his eyes, trying to get the sting out. America rushed out of the bathroom, only to run into Romano, who America punched.

"Damnit!" Romano cursed.

"Wait..." America thought out loud as he ran away. "Romano still curses, so that means... There's still hope yet!"

_A/N: I've changed America's speech patterns, as you can see. I recently watched the dub, so I made him speak like the english version this time._


	7. Chapter 7

Romano was dizzy. What had happened to him? He remembered going to that American bastard's house for some party, not because he wanted to, but because his damn brother dragged him there.

He stumbled out of the hall, only to get punched in the face by the Russian bastard.

"Damnit!" he cursed loudly. "What the hell was that?"

"Romano is cured!" Canada shouted, throwing his arms into the air.

"We don't know that." America said suspiciously." Do you have a craving for... a _hamburger?!"_

"What? Of course not!" Romano answered.

"B-but you were a zombie..." Canada said.

"Huh?!" asked Romano, who was very confused.

"Well, it's like this, right? So everyone who ate a hamburger turned into a zombie for some reason!"

"Anyone else wanna punch this bastard in the face?" asked Romano, pointing to America. Russia raised his hand.

"Dude, Romano, how many hamburgers did you eat?" asked America, ignoring Romano's comment.

"I only took a bite out of one. It was gross, and it wasn't a tomato..." Romano shrugged.

"I see..." America said thoughtfully.

"Could that mean it'll wear off?" asked Canada.

"Of course, but it'll take a while." Russia said.

"I know how to defeat them!" Romano shouted. "It's my secret weapon!"

Romano reached into his pocket and pulled something out dramatically. "Moustache!" he said evilly, leveling the moustache so it looked like China had a moustache.

"Ha! He looks so ridicolous!" Romano laughed.

"Who are you?" asked Canada's bear, appearing out of nowhere.

"I'm Canada." Canada replied sadly.

Meanwhile, Tony had been kicking some serious zombie. Japan, Germany, and Italy lay on the floor at his feet, moaning.

"Woah, nice, bro!" America high-fived his alien buddy.

"You do realize," Russia pointed at Romano, "That it looks like you have a moustache from here."

"Oh, no!" Romano cried. "Don't look at me, damnit!"

_A/N: My spaceber was being a bully, so sorry if there are errors like... no space after a comma, or no space after a period, or an extra space where one doesn't belong. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Chibitalia!**

Chibi America, Chibitalia, and Chibi Canada were playing a strange game of tag. It was called "Zombie tag." The person who was it, or the zombie, tried to turn the others into zombies by tagging them. America had made up the game to prepare himself for the zombie apocolypse, and he had bullied Canada and Italy into playing.

"I'm it!" Chibitalia yelled.

"No fair!" Chibi America complained. "I wanted to be it!"

"I don't even want to play..." Chibi Canada sighed.

"America, you can be it if you want." Chibitalia said.

"Yay!" Chibi America cheered.

The three countries happily played tag all day. America felt that for sure he was ready for the zombie apocalypse that day.

But, man, was he wrong.

**Hetalia!**

"My moustache didn't work!" complained Romano.

"Of course it didn't." Russia commented.

"Well, dudes, we only have to hold them off until it wears off." America said.

"But it took Romano six chapters to return to normal, and he only ate one bite!" Canada pointed out.

"Wasn't it seven?" asked Romano.

"No." Canada said matter-of-factly. "You were cured in chapter seven, at the beginning. So it was six."

"Damnit, I hate being wrong!" Romano kicked the wall. That caught the zombies attention. They all started to move toward Romano.

"Shit!" Romano hid behind Russia. The zombies attacked Russia, who punched each of them in turn.

"Cure, cure, cure..." America was repeating as if just saying the word would make a cure appear.

Well, one did. A scone fell out of England's pocket.

"Idea!" America yelled.

"What is it?" asked Canada.

"Let's feed them scones!" America said.

"Hey, that's right! England's food is disgusting!" Canada agreed. "But I want to go get them." Just then, a little part of England's soul died, even though he was a zombie.

"Fine, fine." America consented. "Just go!"

Canada headed out to get what could be the cure to the hamburger zombies. Or not.


	9. Chapter 9

"What?!" Canada asked himself in a disappointed tone. He had ran at top speed to Endland's house, only to find that there were no more scones.

"What'd he do, take them all with him? Well, I suppose he might've wanted a snack, seeing as it was a hamburger party..." Canada mumbled to himself the whole way back to America's house, only to find that he didn't want to go back in. It was scary, and he hated being slobbered on.

Canada went inside, anyway, because he's nice like that.

"Canada, bro!" America barreled into Canada, giving him a giant bear hug.

"W-what are you doing?!" asked Canada. He was blushing, and Russia laughed at that.

"Canada, you jackass!" Romano yelled. "We almost got fucking killed! What took you so damn long, bastard?"

Canada figured it must have been pretty bad. America was still clinging to him, Russia was still laughing (A scary, evil laugh, too.), and Romano was cursing all over the place.

You see, while Canada was gone, Tony almost got eaten, and America almost had a panic attack because Tony almost got eaten, and Russia was tired because America almost had a panic attack because Tony almost got eaten, and Romano got beaten up because Russia got tired because America almost had a panic attack because Tony almost got eaten.

"There were no more scones..." Canada admitted. Everyone froze.

"Damnit!" Romano shouted.

"You know..." Russia began.

"Know what?" America had started crying, and now snot was running out of his nose. He was still clinging to Canada, too, so he just added to all of the gross liquids covering the poor guy.

"We could always make scones." Russia said.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah!" America said enthusiastically, finally releasing Canada.

"I'm the only one who hasn't done anything yet, so I'll go to England's house, find the recipe for the scones, and make them." Russia said pleasantly. He knew that if he left, they would be destroyed. He was radiating a horrifying aura, so no one disagreed with him.

Canada was sad.

_A/N: Short, short chapter, and I'm sorry. I'll try to update tomorrow, so don't get your panties in a twist! (Yes, even if you are male. Man panties.)_

_My cat was all over my keyboard when I was writing this..._


	10. Chapter 10

"Hmm..." Russia hummed. "I bet if I added vodka, this recipe would be ten, no twenty times better... No, I need to use the original repice or it won't be bland... well, a little won't hurt..."

Russia added what he thought was a little bit of vodka into the scones, (Why on Earth would England have vodka in the first place?) but what it acually was is the whole bottle.

"There!" Russia was pleased with himself.

He stuck the vodka scones in the oven, and when they were done, he tasted them.

"Hmm... Maybe I added a bit too much vodka?" he asked himself. "Maybe I should make another batch with a little less vodka."

So Russia made many, many batches of vodka scones, each with a little less vodka in them, until he found the perfect way to incorperate his favorite drink with tasteless scones.

Meanwhile...

"Damnit!" Romano was covered in bruises now, seeing as he had no strong sheild. Poor Canada was in desperate need of a shower, and America needed to man up.

Tony, however, was like a little alien ninja. The fact that Tony was there was the only reason they were alive. Canada's bear was doing nothing, not that anyone noticed it. The only reason they noticed Canada was because they depended on each other for survival.

"Who are you?" asked Canada's bear.

"I'm Canada." Canada answered sadly.

"Go, Tony!" America cheered. "Keep backing me up!" Despite it all, America still felt that he was the hero.

Meanwhile...

"Yes, there we go, you can barely taste the vodka now." Russia complimented himself. He had set the failed scones on fire, and watched them burn.

Russia packaged them neatly in a nice purple bag, and made some tea to go with them. He put the tea in a stainless steel thermos so it wouldn't get cold, and left England's house, feeling satisfied with himself.

Much like Canada, Russia didn't want to go back inside. Three cowards, an alien, and a bear? No thanks.

Russia isn't nice like Canada, though, so he stood outside the house for a while, contemplating whether or not he should go back inside. He could hear America scream like a girl.

Meanwhile...

During Russia's dilemma, Romano was struggling to stay alive. His poorly thought out insults didn't do anything to the zombies, because their brains weren't working properly, and they couldn't be sad.

"What?" came a voice from a nearby bathroom. It wasn't the voice of any of the countries that weren't zombies, so they all ran into the bathroom.

"What is going on here? Why am I standing on a sink?" asked France.

"Damnit, it's just that French bastard!" Romano cursed. Why were only the weak countries waking up?

Even more of a reason for Russia not to go back inside.

_A/N: So I didn't update yestarday, Whoops, sorry. I feel like I apologize a lot in these._

_Who wants to take a quiz? I realize you might not have seen these anime, but please guess if you havn't! Which anime is this quote from?_

_"But that's against the rules!" "Indeed. That is, it would be if we were playing a 'game' of 'chess.' But this world is no chess game, where one cannot win if not playing by the rules. Without fail, players will break the rules, and chess-men will betray the players. And if I'm to play games with their like on equal footing, I'd have no chance at victory if I didn't break the rules myself, right?"_

_A) Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler)_

_B) Nabari no Ou_

_C) Death Note_


	11. Chapter 11

Then Romano realized what he had just said.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" Romano ran away from the scary French bastard.

"Hi, France." Canada whispered. Secretly, Canada was disappointed as well.

"_Sainte Mère de Dieu! _Who was that?" He asked. You see, France hadn't spent all those chapters with Canada, so he didn't notice him.

"Canada." Canada said sadly.

"France, dude!" America yelled. Romano was screaming quite loudly. "We're all gonna die!"

"_Non! _I'm too pretty to die!" France hugged himself dramatically.

"If I live, I'll have go on Google translate to see what he said." America noted.

Russia could hear France saying things he couldn't understand. He was still contemplating whether or not to go back inside. Now, there were four weaklings. He would be the only one even really doing anything.

Except for Tony. Russia had to admit, he did not want to destroy Tony.

What Tony was doing when Russia thought that was trying to keep Romano from getting squished. Romano was hiding in a corner, and Germany had picked up a bookcase. Germany swung the bookcase down, but Romano was quick.

Tony was quicker. He swept Germany's feet out from under him, and the bookcase anded on top of him.

"Ha, ha!" Romano laughed, as if he were the one who knocked Germany over. "Bastard!"

"What is going on out here?" asked France. The countries had decided to leave the bathroom.

"Ah!" Seeing France startled Romano so much, he started cursing in Italian. "_Merda! Dannazione! Jackass! Ti odio!"_ Then he screamed.

Russia heard that, too. He decided it would be more fun to stand outside and listen to them for a bit before going back inside. If he went back inside.

Because Russia is not nice like Canada.

_A/N: Hooray for Google Translate! And hooray for Warwulf, who got the question right! It was Kuroshitsuji. Will more of you participate this time? If you don't know, please guess! And my French and Italian are probably bad, since I used Google Translate._

_"Are you stuck?" "I'm hiding." "You're hiding? Then I'll hide too." "No, there's no need to... Hello."_

_A) The World God Only Knows_

_B) Tegami Bachi (Letter Bee)_

_C) Nabari no Ou_


	12. Chapter 12

"Hmm...?" Italy asked himself. Everyone looked all grey and weird. Then he noticed France.

"Big Brother France!" Italy called, waving his arms.

"Was Italy better before me?" asked France, rubbing the back of his head.

"No, I don't think so..." Canada answered.

"Yo, Italy!" America waved back at him. "Hey bra, (eheh, I said bra) are you better, yo?"

"Hmm? Better?" asked Italy, confused.

"Oh, well... you see..." Canada said. Italy nodded his head.

"Hmm... I see... Oh!" he was saying.

"_Je dis,_ what are they talking about?" asked France. For some reason, he hadn't tried to do anything sexy or seductive yet.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Romano was cursing. Then he noticed his brother.

"BROTHER!" he jumped on Italy and squeezed him tightly.

"Aw, brotherly love." France sighed, blushing slightly.

"Gross, France!" America grinned. Why did he grin?

"Bastard!" Romano was now punching Italy. No one made a move to stop him.

"Germany!" Italy screamed. He rushed to Germany, who was still being crushed by the bookcase. He was alive, though, and that was satisfying enough for Italy.

* * *

"Hey, Germany, I wrote you a song. Come listen!" Italy called Germany over.

"Really? Let's hear it." Germany walked over to where Italy sat with his guitar.

"Germany, Germany, Germany is a really, really, nice place. Even though I'm your prisoner, you give me food! And it doesn't suck like English food. Sausages with cheeses always taste so good! It'd be heaven for a dog; yeah, that's Germany. Tell me, how is it you Germans are so robust? You're crushing me with your intimidation. My fragility causes me to openly weep out of fear, Your women terrify me. Is it the norm to drink a barrel of beer and then bust it on somebody's head? Please don't come to my place in large mobs, German tourists are scary. Even the girls that are from Germany are more rugged than I am! Yahoo~!" Italy sang in a beautiful voice.

Italy's boss stared at a wiggling box on the floor. "Welcome back, Italy."

* * *

Russia stood outside, grinning. He had heard Italy come back, Romano cursing, and everything else, and decided to go inside.

He opened the door and...

_A/N: Yay for Hetaliaforever123 and Guest (I don't know what else to call you) for answering! Guest got it right, It was Nabari no Ou. This will be the last quiz._

_"Alright! The low blood pressure evil lord has given his approval!"_

_A) Blue Exorcist_

_B) D.N. Angel_

_C) Ouran High School Host Cub_


	13. Chapter 13

As soon as Russia walked in, Canada litarally caught on fire.

"What took you so long, _âne_?" Canada growled in a low, gravelly voice. "What'd you do, stop to have a nice hour-long vodka break?"

"Dude, I think he was only one a for thirty minutes-" America tried to cut in.

"And what's with these?" Canada picked up one of the scones. "These don't look like british scones at all! I bet you added something _stupide_, like vodka. You did, didn't you? I can see it in your eyes."

Russia didn't say anything. He found this more amusing than anything.

"_Dieu_, I'm sick of you all!" Canada started to destroy the zombies.

"Woah!" Romano whistled, hiding behind America, since Italy was too close to France. "Why didn't anyone tell me Canada was a secret badass?"

"I don't think any of us knew..." Italy said.

"I did, yo!" America laughed, as if something about it was funny.

"Me too." France chimed in. Romano squealed and scooted away.

"Whaaaat?" asked Italy, scratching his head.

"Well, we saw him like this once when he found out how awesome Alaska is." America explained.

"Yeah, he was _bourré_." France muttered.

"Uhm, America?" asked Italy. Canada was still in badass mode, so it was Italy's turn to be cute. "Did you invite Austria?"

"I... don't... know..." America said slowly.

"Well, he's been playing the piano over there this whole time." Italy giggled.

"WHAAAAT?!" yelled Romano, America, and France together. Sure enough, there sat Austria, playing a piano.

"Dude, I don't even own a piano!" America was in awe.

"I didn't even notice him!" France shouted.

"Oh, my." commented Russia. In truth, he was a little saddened by what Canada had said, calling his very favorite drink stupid, what a _kolot'_! He quickly gotten over it, amusing himself by watching everyone freak out over Austria.

"Oh, hey!" Italy grinned.

"What is it now?" asked France, who was irked.

"It's Grandpa Rome!" Italy was still grinning. "He's come to save us!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

_A/N: Yay for Hetaliaforever123, Warwulf, and Uninformed Otaku for participating! The answer was Ouran High School Host Club. Nya!_


	14. Chapter 14

So, of course, Grandpa Rome did something disappointing. He began to sing.

"In Hell, the English are cooks, the Germans are police officers, the French are engineers, the Swiss are lovers, and the Italians are bankers." He sang. His voice was lovely. All of the zombies stopped and swayed to his song, but when it stopped, they went right back to being scary.

The worst thing was, the song snapped Canada out of his badass mode.

"Uhm, Uhm..." Canada was frantically trying to get away, but he ended up getting covered in hamburger zombie.

"Don't just fucking sit there, damnit!" Romano yelled at Austria. "Do something, jackass!"

"I don't think I was even invited." Ausria said. "So I have no obligation to help you. Here, maybe some piano will help."

"Dudes, for reals, I think I'm going through hamburger withdrawel." America whined.

"I think they forgot about me." Russia said. He was still standing there with the purple bag of scones and tea, and he could easily save them all if they would stop treating him like Canada.

"Grandpa Rome!" Italy grinned.

"In Heaven, the French are cooks, the English are police officers, the Germans are engineers, the Swiss are bankers, and the Italians are lovers! Something like that, woohoo!" He sang.

"Grandpa Rome!" Italy said with delight. The zombies were confused this time. This gave Canada enough time to escape and run away.

"What was that?" asked France. As usual, Romano screamed and ran away, this time hiding behind Russia.

"Oh, hey, wait!" America said.

"Hmm?" asked Austria, who had stopped playing the piano. Canada was hiding in a corner, trying to get over his trauma.

"Dudes, Russia has the scones!" America said, as if he was the smartest person on earth. Well, he did have glasses, which were cracked beyond beleif.

"Oh. My. Fucking. God." Romano smacked his forehead, almost elbowing Russia in the butt.

"Russia!" Italy sang. "I need the scones!" for some reason, Italy knew what to do.

"Okay." was all Russia said, handing them over.

"Ah ha ha!" Italy laughed as he began throwing the scones at them. One hit Japan in the head, knocking him over.

"Omigod Italy noooooooo!" America screamed. Italy stopped, just one scone left in his hand.

France snatched it from him. "What now?"

"Well, we could feed it to England, and have him make scones." Canada whispered. He was shaking, but in one peice.

"Oh, cool idea!" America gave Canada two thumbs up.

"Hopefully it'll fucking work..." Romano muttered.

_A/N: Am I dragging the story out too long? Am I boring you? I sure hope not. Either way, sadly, it seems as if I'll have to end it soon. _


	15. Chapter 15

"Om nom nom." England said as he ate the vodka scone, his body slowly returning to normal. "Hey, what the bloody hell's going on here?"

"Big Brother!" America hugged England. Canada and Italy giggled at the same time.

"Get off me, you git!" England yelled, prying America off him.

"Stop with your made up curse words!" Romano said. "Damnit, we need scones!"

"Scones?" asked England. "_My _scones?"

"Yes!" America grinned. "The tastless disgustingness of your scones shall save the day! And then I'll be the hero!"

Another small part of England's soul died. He was always sad when people made fun of his cooking. And when China called him an ass.

England surveyed his surroundings. Spain, China, Greece, and Japan were wandering around and moaning. Germany was being crushed by a bookshelf. Canada was covered in many liquids. Italy looked stupid, and Romano was hiding from France. America was dancing for some reason, and Russia was standing near the doorway, grinning.

"Hey, wait!" Canada said.

"What?" asked America.

"Spain and Greece havn't done anything to us yet." Canada said.

"Ha!" America laughed. "It's like the author forgot about them or something."

"The author?" asked Italy.

"It'll make more sense in a few chapters. Wait 'till you see the twist ending!" America laughed louder.

"Damnit!" Romano screamed. France was creeping him out, standing there and being a perv.

"Are you going to make the scones or not?" asked Russia. Russia was scary, and England was scared of him.

"Y-yeah, sure." England agreed, raising his hands in the universal please-don't-try-to-blow-me-up signal.

Russia smiled politely and moved out of the way. England scooted past him,and started running to his house.

Greece and Spain decided they should join in, so they began to try to kill the countries. Spain jumped onto France, knocking him onto the floor. Greece flung his cat onto Italy's face, and the cat began scratching.

Greece and Spain were about to get their spotlight.

_A/N: I made a Deviantart! My username is still OuranHero. Check it out!_


	16. Chapter 16

"My scones are bloody delicious!" England muttered to himself. He was in the process of making his scones when he noticed that all of his vodka was gone.

"Bloody hell!" England scratched his head. "I was going to use that to fend off Russia if he ever tried to kill me. Damn!"

The oven dinged. England hurried over to it, opening it and checking out his scones. "Perfect, as always!" he said.

England didn't care what those fools thought of his scones. Right?

* * *

Russia pulled off his scarf and held it out beside him. Spain charged for it, and Russia moved it. "Ole!" he sang half-heartedly. In truth, Russia was tired of all this, and wanted it to end, and soon. If only England would hurry up.

"Woah!" America dodged one of Greece's rabid cats. "Man, I hope England hurries up!" America wanted England to hurry, yes, but for a completely different reason than Russia.

Canada sat quietly in a corner. It looked like China and Japan were resting, and Italy and France were trying to get the bookcase off of Germany for some reason. Who knew, maybe Germany was normal again.

Romano was off doing who-knows-what in the closet.

The door whooshed open. England was on the other side of it, carrying the scones in a plain paper bag, since, oddly enough, his favorite purple bag was missing.

"Yay, England!" America ran in for a hug, but England moved. So America ended up hitting his face on the wall.

"Ha!" Romano's muffled lauagh came from inside the closet.

"I made them." England stated the obvious.

"Let's not give them to Italy this time." France muttered.

"What was that, big brother?" Italy asked.

"Giv me the scones." Russia said, holding out his hand. England put the bag in his hand, quickly drawing back his own.

Russia forced Spain on the ground and shoved the scone in his mouth. They all held their breath...

Nothing happened.

"Nothing happened." said Canada.

"Ah! Here comes the twist!" America almost squealed in excitement.

"What in bloody hell are you talking about?" asked England.

"Well, you see, the reason this is all happening is..." America looked through the computer.

_A/N: What? What's going on?_

"The one who's doing this to us." America corrected himself. "Is the author."

_A/N: Is this possible? Are the characters revolting against me?_

"We need to defeat this 'A/N' person!" America declared.

_A/N: Alright, so maybe America doesn't know as much as I thought he did..._


	17. Chapter 17

"Who, now?" asked England, whose eye was twitching.

"Heh, idiot!" France laughed.

"What did you just say?" England growled. France shrugged smugly.

"Dudes!" America shushed everyone. "Shut, up, man! Havn't you guys been paying attention?"

"Fucking!" Tony raised his hand.

"I knew I could count on you!" America pointed to Tony.

"Paying attention to what?" asked Canada. Italy had somehow gotten the bookcase off of Germany, but Germany wasn't a zombie anymore, so it was okay. Canada could hear Italy explain what was up.

"Well, havn't you dudes noticed that at the end of almost every single chapter is an author's note?"

"What?" asked England. "Chapters? Author's note?"

"Yeah!" America pumped his fist.

"What's he talking about?" Russia asked himself.

"Oh, the chapters." Canada nodded as if this made sense.

"What?" asked France, who was thoroughly confused.

"You see," America began, "Everything that's happening to us is something someone came up with in their brain. She then decided to type it up and put it on some weird website where fangirls hang out." Somehow, America sounded smart.

_A/N: Hmm, how do you think he figured all of this out?_

"There she goes again!" America laughed.

"How do you know this person, assuming they exist, is a girl?" asked England. In truth, England thought America was crazy-pants.

"Of course she is!" America grinned.

_A/N: He's not wrong..._

"Ah!" Italy shivered. He and Germany had joined the group. "I felt something weird just now."

"Damnit!" Romano burst out of the closet. (Heh, heh. He's out of the closet.) "I can't stand it anymore!" He then kicked a hole in America's wall.

"Hey!" America yelled.

"What's going on?" asked Germany. It's not like Italy knew what was going on, either.

"Hey, everyone..." Canada whispered. Only America and Russia turned to him. "Since we're inside this person's brain... why not do something about that?"

_A/N: Oh my._

"Yeah!" Everyone cheered. Except Romano, who pased out on the dirty floor.

_A/N: It seems as if I'll have to end it soon, if I want to live! Crap, this isn't good..._


	18. Chapter 18

Ha... Ha ha... Hey, everyone... Ha...

_Ro/N: Hurry up, damnit!_

Grumble grumble. Well, as I said, hey everyone.

_Am/N: Oh, dudes! This is kinda cool!_

While I was contemplating what to write for the next chapter, I felt a sudden weirdness in my mind.

_Ru/N: I'm not that weird._

It turns out it was the countries, becoming self aware thoughts in my mind. I know, creepy, right?

_Ch/N: Aru!_

Don't worry, it probably won't happen to you and your story characters.

_Ge/N: It'll happen if you write a story about me._

Well, somehow they got China, Japan, Greece, and Spain out of their hamburger zombie trance.

_J/N: I wonder if she has any rice stored away in here..._

Then, they got Austria to join them.

_Au/N: I only joined because I wanted to play the piano in OuranHero's mind all day long. It's quite effective. She was banging her head on the table in Earth Science the other day._

I have no idea how they did it, but they invaded my brain and somehow got out of the story.

_Ca/N: I-it's kinda scary in here..._

They have been driving me insane for the past few days.

_F/N: I made her flirt with girls, making her look like a lesbian._

_S/N: I made her eat tomatoes for every meal._

Anyway, as much as I hated it, I admited defeat.

_Gr/N: She has four cats. Amazing..._

_I/N: And she ate pasta for dinner last night!_

As you can see, some of the countries are on my side.

_Ro/N: I wanna make the bastard suffer!_

_Ca/N: Romano, she's not that bad..._

_Am/N: But she doesn't like hamburgers!_

_E/N: But she drinks tea every day!_

And some of them aren't. I'm worried a war will start inside my brain. God, I've had such a bad headache for the past few days. Anyway, I promised them I wouldn't do anything else to them, but they're still fighting in my brain!

_Ro/N: Damnit!_

I'll tell you what happens...

**Ha ha! I've figured out that they can't read bold. Of course I have a trick up my sleeve! Ha! Well, I'll get back to you, I promise!**


	19. Chapter 19

_Ro/N: Bouno tomato, bouno tomato, bouno, bouno, ooo, tomato..._

Shut up!

_Ro/N: Never, jackass!_

Romano's been singing The Delicious Tomato Song non-stop for the past few days. It's been driving me insane!

_Ro/N: Bastard!_

So, the countries have taken a few days to get to know me. Some of them have forgiven me, and others havn't. I'll tell you, but it might be a bit confusing.

As you can see, Romano hates me. Italy is on my side, which means Germany is on my side, which means Japan is on my side. England's on my side, so France is not on my side. America and China are against me, and so is Spain. Greece is on my side. This surprised me, but Canada's against me, too. Russia's with me, which also surprised me.

So Romano, Spain, France, America, China, and Canada are against me. Italy, Germany, Japan, England, Russia, and Greece are with me. Simple enough, right?

_A/N: I think the reason Canada doesn't like you is because you covered him in weird liquids, bro._

But I let him use my shower!

_Ru/N: I like you. Do you really need a reason?_

No, I'm good.

I've had a serious headache ever since the countries entered my head. So, I'll try to get them to resolve everything in the next chapter. Sorry!

**Seriously, sorry. I'm going to try to get Russia to do most of the fighting. I put that in bold because I can't have anyone but Russia knowing this plan, but you guys won't rat me out, right?**


	20. Chapter 20

Oh, and Austria is neutral.

So, this is how it went down:

"Haha!" America laughed. "China, I choose you!"

China ran across the battlefeild I created in my mind. He had his fight scene, leaving Germany and Japan rattled. Italy, of course, surrendered.

America laughed again.

"Bastards!" Romano charged, but was stopped by England. England punched Romano in the gut.

"Bloody idiot!" England proceeded to defeat Canada and France.

Italy, Germany, and Japan were out on my side, which left England, Greece, and Russia. France, Canada, and Romano were out on the other side, leaving China, Spain, and America.

Greece fought Spain. Greece won, and Spain's face was a bloody mess.

England fought China. China won, leaving England with a triple-ice-cream-scoop bump on his head.

Russia fought America. Of course, Russia won.

Russia then fought China. Russia hit China with his own pan.

So, my side won, and now there are no more countries in my head. The hamburger zombie disease is gone, and this story has come to a close.

My brain doesn't hurt anymore.

I loved writing this, thanks for reading! I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing!


End file.
